Bad day. Bad week. Bad life.

Okay, that's an overly dramatic title. I realize that..but I'm keeping it anyway.

Today has not been easy, nor was yesterday, or the day before. It seems like nothing is working out the way I want it too..and no matter how hard I try, everything has gone wrong. I'm not going to go into detail..but if this is a test from the big man upstairs, I'm about ready going to give up soon if things don't take a turn for the better. Give up, meaning..lay in my bed, eat peanut butter m&m's and watch shows on netflix for the rest of my life. (Occasionally I might get up to go the bathroom, or even get some real food in me if I'm up to it). No, but seriously...I'm just having a hard time understanding people that I thought I knew, and I definitely didn't think things would turn out the way they seem to be. Life is interesting..and can dramatically change in an instant. People change, make choices and say things that hurt..the toughest part is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Since starting school, I've only cried twice. Once, a couple days after I got here, my roommate was playing music and the song "Home" came on by Michael Buble. I was eating cereal, and didn't even realize I was crying. I suddenly became homesick (which lasted all about 3.5 minutes) and that was that.. and then the other day Brooke and I watched made the dumb decision to watch sad & depressing music videos in the middle of the night, which totes obvi had me bawling like a baby. Today was the first day I really cried though. I had/am having a mental breakdown. I can't handle it. I don't know what to do. I just sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and cried. (Maybe this is too personal for my blog?? I don't know...)

A couple months back, an old friend sent me a random text sharing the following quote. I liked it, but never really thought twice about it. However, this past week or so, it's been lingering in the back of my mind. I searched my phone for it, and read it again. It couldn't apply any more to my life than it already does.

"Your future is not determined by the conditions around you. It is determined by your faith, your choices, and your efforts."

I do not want to do some of the things I may end up having to do. But I know it's my choice to make the best of the situation, and my happiness is only up to me. If only it weren't so much easier said than done.

For now, I'm just going to go lay in bed and watch netflix and eat PB m&m's. Sound familiar??

**Sorry Beth.. I know you hate it when I only write. I promise I'll post more pictures soon.